Clearly this is an extremely serious post today so please give this topic the respect it deserves. Ladies and gentle people, today we are looking at new and exciting ways to say the word “fart”.

Nouns (a fart)

• Bottom burp – Jeremy did a bottom burp in the living room, so we are eating lunch outside today.

• Poot – Do not leave a poot in the kitchen. It makes the food taste bad.

• Toot – Your toot gave me an asthma attack Sharon!

• Guff – I think I have smelled a guff. Who is to blame?!

• Fluffer doodle* – It is not polite to make a fluffer doodle while shaking hands with the Queen, Eric.

Verbs (to fart)

• break wind – I had to fire Wendy because she breaks wind every time she says hello to the customers

• trump – I trumped in the lift (elevator) just before I got out on my floor! (This is also known as “doing a Donald” now!)

• trumpet – If you hear Clive trumpeting in the caravan, get out as fast as you can!

• Poot – Why do you always poot when it’s raining and I can’t open the window?

• Toot – The date was going brilliantly until I tooted when I laughed at his joke.

• cut one – My dream is to cut one right when I say “I do” at my wedding.

• let rip – Is it impolite to let rip in a church?

• Guff – There is no such thing as a Christmas without guffing.

* I have never heard anyone say fluffer doodle in my life. However, it is absolutely wonderful, and I think we should all be saying it.

Do you know any words that mean fart? I’m sure we could collect a fun list in the comments. Are there any regional variations? Do Canadians fart or guff? We need to know!