Nanook Betts, CEO of Wright English: “Dear Humans. Welcome to my favourite cardboard box, and thank you for following the progress of my English teaching business. Yes, you may touch my tummy.

Over the last six months I am proud to say Wright English has continued to grow. I have rewarded my team with catnip sardines. Lana, my human employee, seemed less interested in them. We have recently had more teenage and child clients. The human teacher seems to enjoy this. One of the children has invented a pig character named ‘Fart Machine’ who lives in a toilet. I approve of all efforts to teach children literacy but if this continues, I may have to reduce what we pay the human.

My vision for the future of Wright English is to continue to increase our customer base, upgrade my cardboard box to a wooden one, and invest in a mouse dispenser.

I would like to thank Lana, our human teacher, for typing this for me as I am far too comfortable on the floor, and have no thumbs. She also stays awake three times longer than the rest of us, and is kind enough to brush me outside of working hours. I reward her by sitting on her and shouting.