We live in a time when people publicly apologise for doing something wrong, and that’s a good thing…usually. It’s a good thing when people take responsibility (say they did it), and really mean it when they say sorry. That’s why we are going to look at the passive voice today, and how people use it to fake an apology that they don’t really mean.

What is the Passive Voice?

The passive voice is a way of using grammar to focus on what has happened, and not who made that thing happen. Here are some passive and active examples of the same situation:

Active Voice

• “Someone drove a car through the supermarket window!”

• A person (someone) - does a verb (drove) - to an object (a car).

Passive Voice

• “A car has been driven through the supermarket window!”

• An object (a car) - has been verbed (driven).

This focus on what and not who makes the passive voice extremely useful for business meetings, when you want to solve problems without blaming anyone (saying someone is responsible). It’s also a great way to talk about processes that are usually the same because it does not matter who puts the tea bag in a cup, the way you make tea is always the same. I am British though, so do NOT put the milk in first… I will find you.

How is the Passive Voice Used to Avoid Responsibility?

In our car accident example, you can see that in both the active and the passive sentences, we do not say exactly who drove the car. So you might think that taking names out of a sentence is also a good way of avoiding responsibility. It does the same thing, but the passive is more effective. That is because in the active sentence, the focus is still on who did it and it is clear we are not saying who it is. In the passive version, the focus is on the event and what happened, we don’t even think about who did it.

What is a Good Way to Apologise?

To apologise properly use the active voice and clearly say that you are the person responsible. We can use some classic examples of non-apologies here and make them better:

• “Mistakes were made” - Maybe Ronald Raegan should have said, “I made mistakes”.

• “I apologise for any offense I may have caused” - A better apology would be a) “I’m sorry I offended you”, or b) “I apologise for the offense I have caused”.

• “I’m sorry you feel that way” - This is not technically the passive voice, but the speaker is making you responsible here. A better example would be “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”, or “I’m sorry I made you feel that way”.

These corrected examples are much better apologies because the person saying sorry is accepting that they are responsible for causing the problem.

Summing Up

Be careful when you listen to an apology. See if the person saying sorry is using the passive to avoid responsibility. If they are, it’s quite likely the person is not really very sorry, or does not accept that they are at fault. If you are the person apologising, take responsibility and be direct by using the active voice. A good apology includes who did it, what happened, why it was wrong, and how you are sorry.